5 Questions

I was recently interviewed by the blog First Order Historians. They interview a lot of famous types(and me apparently.) So just in case you haven't gotten enough of me talking about me go here.

New Post about Old Posts

Hey blog it's been awhile. 9 months actually. If you conceived a child while reading my last post you can give birth while reading this one. My blog usually doesn't cause love making, but my last post was I believe in the Boner Fairy so I guess it makes sense. Boner talk always puts people in the mood. Don't believe me? Try dropping it into your bedroom dirty talk and you'll see. A coyly whispered "Hey, check out my boner." or "Hey, nice boner you got there." always takes things to the next level. Why a 9 month blog hiatus? Most of the potentially humorous or interesting thoughts I have are now discussed on my wildy successful podcast The Rutledges. A lot more people listen to that than ever read this anyway. Oddly a lot more people read my blog now than when I was updating it once a week. 500-1000 more views a month now that I don't give a shit. I guess if I really want to take my stand up career to the next level I have to quit. Strangely a lot of my blog traffic is coming from Israel.  Mostly because of a post where I linked to this picture

 

The numbers don't lie. Israel loves bicycle porn. Or they think it's the opening credits to Portlandia

Either way I'm huge in Israel. I also get a lot of traffic from my post about former comedian, current convicted serial rapist Vince Champ. The feedback on that has not all been pleasant. I pointed out in the post how absurd it was that in many of the newspaper articles about his arrest and conviction, it was mentioned how surprising it was because he was such a clean act on stage. Like if he was a dirty comedian no one would have been shocked he was a rapist. I apparently didn't do a very good job stating my case because several people have accused me of doing the same thing I was saying was absurd. One comedian actually linked to the post on his Facebook page, saying something along the lines of "Look this guy thinks it's surprising a clean comedian could be a rapist. What a fucking idiot." Then of course a few dozen comments agreeing that yes, I was indeed, a fucking idiot. I actually commented myself saying "Did you read it? I'm actually saying the same thing you are, that you would be an idiot to think that." His response was "It's the Internet, no one reads the whole thing." Fair point. The comments eventually digressed into what kind of moron would name their blog "Standup Dad" anyway. Well this one I guess. It seemed like a good idea the day I had 8 extra dollars and Go Daddy had www.standupdad.net available. Maybe I should see if www.noonereadsthewholething.com is available. Shalom!

 



I believe in the boner fairy

I've spent a ridiculous amount of time over the past few years trying to think of something I could put on a t-shirt to sell after my shows. I mostly annoyed my wife about it. So much so that at this point I can say "Hey do you want to talk about t-shirts?" just to get an eye roll out of her. I've sold cd's for years and I've done pretty well with them, but shirts sell way better. The dumber the shirt the better it seems to sell too. That's why my friend Owen Straw's idea of selling shirts that say "FAART!" on them might just be the best selling comedy shirt ever. No, that's not a misspelling the extra A makes it funnier. Only a moron would buy a shirt that said FART.

For a few years I sold bumper stickers that said "I believe in the Boner Fairy" and I sold, well thousands of them. I stopped because I couldn't stand doing my boner fairy joke anymore. Yeah I do have a boner fairy joke ok. We can't all be doctors. I just didn't want to do the joke anymore. It works and it's funny, but it's old and I was tired of it. That's the decision Gabriel Rutledge the artist made. A few weeks ago Gabe Rutledge the husband and father of 3, told Gabriel Rutledge the artist to fuck off and started selling "I believe in the Boner Fairy" t-shirts. I've sold 36 of them in 5 shows. I'm not sure how good that is compared to other comics who sell shirts, but according to my math 36x$20 = I should have been doing this a long time ago. "I believe in the Boner Fairy" might be an older bit for me, but it's my new favorite joke. They also look good with a kilt

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And you're right, he probably should have gone with an XL

The Rutledges

So my wife and I are apparently in the podcast business now. And by business I mean we are offering free content. We made our first episode of a podcast we are calling "The Rutledges." It's only 32 minutes long so it's not too much of a time investment on your part. It's mostly funny and it has a lot of swearing. I hope you like it, but I'm not sure I care that much. Stand up comedy is a very solitary pursuit, and it makes me very happy to be able to do something creative I can share with Kristi. And she really is a delightful, funny, great person and I hope the podcast will let more people know that.

 So go listen here.  Or here for itunes.

Atlanta

I'm in the airport on the way home from Atlanta where I performed at The Laughing Skull Comedy Festival.

"If you win it's a contest, if you lose it's a festival." -Tony Daniels

I didn't win. I had to go up first in my round which is always tough judging wise. At least that's the excuse I'm going with. I had a decent set. The kind of set where if I had gone 3rd or 4th I might have moved on to the next round, but who knows. We had other non-judged shows we performed at too, and of course those went well. Anyone can perform their best when it counts, but it takes a rare talent like myself to shine when nothing is on the line. Comedy contests are weird little mind fucks and comedians hate them, but for some reason we can't stop doing them. Other than "Winner of the Laughing Skull Comedy Festival" we didn't even know what we were competing for. Validation I guess. I think the winner got $1000. All I ended up winning is the respect of my peers. And since the trip cost me $700 or so and I had to cancel gigs to do it, that's what I told Comcast Cable when they called to tell me my payment was late.

"You can turn my cable off if you want sir, but I have the respect of my peers. You can't take that away from me. Also did mention I had to go first?"

The general idea of the festival is to get seen and schmooze with various comedy industry types. Casting agents, managers, talent bookers for TV shows, that kind of thing. They were the judges of the competition too. That way if you don't do well in the contest you can feel like YOU'VE BEEN REJECTED BY THE ENTIRE COMEDY INDUSTRY!
One of the nights most of the comics and industry judges went to the Claremont Lounge. The Claremont Lounge is Atlanta's oldest strip club, and I think most of the strippers were hired the day it opened. They have several 50,60, maybe even older ladies in sizes ranging from "average post menopausal woman" to "sweet jesus let me unsee that." So yeah, I guess if you consider watching people who could help my career get lap dances from a grandma "networking" then mission accomplished.
I did do a showcase for someone from Nickelodeon and that set went very well. Doesn't mean I'll get on the show, but a boy can dream. Yes Nickelodeon.  I was just as surprised as you. I guess Nick Jr is going to start having some adult programming this fall that includes a stand up comedy show. Maybe I shouldn't have written this.